We have been married since 2009 and spent several years building a friendship before getting together. Parenting has always been central to our relationship. Andi’s daughter, Red, who is now 22, was 8 years old when we were married. We share parenting responsibilities with Red’s other mom, with whom we have a very good relationship. Red recently graduated from college with honors, after majoring in New Media and spending her senior year as President of Student Government. We are deeply proud of her. She is living in New York City now, and we love seeing her when she comes home to visit. She and our son, Julian, are very close.

We knew we wanted to have another child, but it took us time to decide that adoption was the best fit for us.  Aya is white and Hispanic/Latinx and Andi is white.  We knew we would be open to being matched with birth parents of any racial/ethnic background. We sat down with friends and community to talk about needing them in our child’s life and to discuss our responsibilities in the case of a transracial adoption.  Centering connection and pride in our children’s ancestry and culture is very important to us, and we are both committed to lifelong learning about how to best nurture this and to humbling ourselves to ask for support when it is needed. 

We adopted our son, who is now 4 years old, in July 2019. Julian is the absolute light of our lives, and we feel so grateful that we get to be his parents. We are fortunate to have a loving community of friends also, who adore Julian and support our family.  Many of our friends who are Black have taken on committed Aunt and Uncle roles in his life and have been intentional in connecting him with Black culture, community, and checking in with us about necessary considerations in parenting a Black child.  In choosing neighborhoods, schools, and even in considering travel plans, we want to make sure to be in spaces where Julian is seeing that many adults and children around him are Black, and that he sees diversity, joy, and celebration in Black community, as well as leaders and role models who look like him.  We stay connected in Pittsburgh and beyond with friends of many backgrounds, and it is very important to us that our children encounter diverse experiences and perspectives.  

Now that we are in the adoption process again, we have thought long and hard about how to continue to center Julian's experience of our family as we make room to grow and welcome a new baby.  He has started to ask pretty regularly if he will get to have a younger sibling and is eager to welcome a new baby.  Pre-school and early elementary years are a time of rapid expansion of how he understands the world.  No matter what, becoming a big sibling will involve some feelings of frustration and pain, along with excitement and pride, as he sees us share our love and attention with a new baby sibling.  These early education years are also a time of starting to see and understand larger systems, including race and racism.  We have decided that we are only open to adopting another child of color, especially a child who is Black, in hopes of building a family in which Julian and our new baby will have each other to share lived experience in our home.  We are dedicated to supporting our children in understanding identity, community pride, and also navigating systemic and personal experiences of racism,  AND we recognize the limitations of our worldview, and our misperceptions of the world, because we lack the lived experience of being Black.  While we cannot know what our children's experiences will be, we have decided that we do not want to create an opportunity in which Julian may feel excluded or less valued than a younger sibling who will require more of our attention.

A little about our parents - 

Andi’s parents (Grandma and Abba) live in Florida, and we look forward to a future family vacation to Disney World.  They visit us throughout the year, especially because they miss Julian so much and can’t bear to be away from him for too long.  Aya’s parents live in the area and we’re lucky to get to see them regularly. Julian adores them and especially loves dancing and gardening with his “Ony” (grandfather). He inspires Nana’s photo scrap-booking and memory-box crafting with so many photos of her grandbaby.

We are both committed to and passionate about our careers.  Aya is currently working as a midwife and has a career that has spanned clinical social work in abortion care settings, community organizing for Reproductive Justice, doula and nursing care for abortion and birth care. She is in a public health program to examine and address the perinatal disparities in maternal and infant health and wellness, especially for Black women and babies in Allegheny County. 

Andi is a licensed professional counselor and psychoanalyst. She has a private practice, where she specializes in working with LGBTQ+ clients. In addition to her practice, she teaches, writes, and provides supervision to developing clinicians.

We are very excited about the prospect of having two young children who will get to grow up with each other as siblings.  We are both big sisters and understand how meaningful these relationships can be, but we imagine that for adopted children, having someone with whom to reflect and share life and family experiences is essential.  We share a common parenting philosophy that centers self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-love, and while our family is at the heart, we know that our children need a community that includes attentive and affirming friends, extended family, neighbors, teachers, mentors, and peers.

Thank you for taking the time read this. We are humbled that you might consider us a good fit for your baby. We hope that you can get a feel for who we are through our profile and would be happy to answer any questions you may have for us. 

Sincerely,

Andi & Aya