Adoption is about loss. Big loss. As much as it is about loss, it is about love. Bigger love. Loss and love built Choice Network. On this first day of National Adoption Month, 2016, we invite you to see adoption through Choice Network’s eyes.
Birth moms daily bring us to our knees in awe. Many of them live a level of brokenness that is impossible to understand. Our brains literally won’t let us go there. It hurts too much. It isn’t fair. It makes no sense and can’t be real. Yet, it is. Like every woman in crisis, wholeness isn’t on their radar – hurt is, lack of fairness is, realness is, crisis is. Their dream would be for the crisis to be fixed and wholeness to effortlessly come; the broken to be made whole. Choice Network works tirelessly, outside of our brains, to “get it”. Do we sometimes fail? Sometimes. Do we always keep going? Always, because it is in us to press on.
Our adoptive families also bring us to our knees. Imagine having the courage to make the first call to an adoption agency. To take that first big step. Then to agree to take the next steps, because they seem ok, they seem easy enough. They go through the process of getting their homestudy and profile live and have such comfort in those “steps”; the things they can control. Once those steps are done though, the control ends and they are at the mercy of women facing immense crisis. They pray to be chosen. They yearn for that perfect plan. Quickly they realize that control is no longer an option, and they try so hard to be ok with that. But dang it is hard. The plan will never be as directed. They wait and wait and wish and wish for what feels like an eternity. During that time, past grief comes in waves. People not in this journey can’t understand it. Our brains literally won’t go there. It hurts too much. It isn’t fair. It makes no sense and can’t be real. Yet, it is. So Choice Network again gets out of our brains and pushes our families through their hurt, their unfairness, their reality, their loss and slow and steady we press on.
Adoption is where these two paths collide. These paths might collide while still in crisis, still deep in grief or when our hearts have found peace. This is where a marriage is formed – first in trust; persevering in love. That sounds beautiful doesn’t it? It is, but yet it isn’t. Its messy and dirty and can include tears and smiles bigger than you can imagine. It can include true choice, homelessness, addiction, deep depression, children services, college dreams on hold, parents upset and worried, siblings trying to understand, worries about delivering for the first time or the last time, nausea and pain, sadness and relief all wrapped in one, and on and on and on. It can include miscarriage, baby rooms being created with doors opening and shutting, deep depression, family upset and worried, siblings trying to understand, worries about being in a hospital room, nausea and pain, wishes and dreams and constant hope, sadness and relief all wrapped in one, and on and on and on.
So how do we press on? We teach all involved, including ourselves over and over again that we are all working through a level of brokenness that is hard to understand. We also know it’s actually not our job to understand; it is our job to believe. Where others see brokenness, we see healing. Through DEEP grace, DEEP mercy and the power to press on – we just do it.
Choice Network dreams of being made famous for our pro-love adoption work. Where woman by woman, family by family we can show that with real loss and deep love, all can be overcome. Is it easy? Heck no. Is it worth it? 100%. There is no hate here – there is grace and mercy – that kind of grace and mercy that brings you right back to those knees in gratitude for a love that makes you whole again. Together we press on because this is adoption.
